Example #1: Little One and I were having a conversation. She said something that was pretty bright and I responded by saying "You're so smart!"
"Don't call me that," she said.
"Call you what?"
"Smart. I don't like being called smart. You can call me pretty, and you can call me cute, but don't call me smart!"
Sigh. Talk about a wake-up call. She's four years old. FOUR. And she's already thinking that "pretty" and "cute" are better attributes than "smart" or "compassionate." And I'll admit, I tell my girls quite often that they look pretty. As in, that dress looks really cute on you. Or, your hair looks really nice today. But I also toss out compliments like you're so creative. Or that was a really kind thing to do. Or I'm really proud of how well you did on that test! So why is it that "pretty" and "cute" are the attributes that are sticking with Little One?
Example #2: Middle One and I were watching the news together this morning before she went to school. They were showing a retrospective of the entire election season, starting at the very beginning. They showed a few snippets of Michele Bachmann's campaign and Middle One turned to me and said "Girls can be President?"
What?!?!? How is it that I have a 4th grade daughter that doesn't know that girls can be anything they want to be - including President of the United States?
So you can imagine that I'm feeling today like I've let my daughters down somehow. Somehow, I've let them fall into the traps that many girls and women fall into - one trap that says your value as a female is whatever is on the outside, and another trap that sets limits on women and tell us that we can't do such-and-such because you're a girl. And both of these traps are things I've thought I've been active in helping my girls avoid. Apparently not as much as I would have hoped. Or perhaps those traps are just that big.
This all comes on the heels of Halloween and the horrible onslaught of costume choices for girls (and women). Just by taking a look at the costumes available for girls, you can see why they might be concerned about their looks at age 4, or why they might not realize at the age of 9 that the office of President is something they might be allowed to aim for. This was the cover of an ad that came with our newspaper before Halloween:
The costumes pictured are based on the Monster High dolls. They're like Barbies, but trashier. The skirts are shorter, the lips are more pouty, and they show more skin and sass than your average Barbie (who, for all her faults, at least aims to be President, an astronaut, a teacher, a businesswoman, etc.). But look at those costumes that they're selling to pre-teen girls. Short skirts. Fingerless black lace gloves. Body-hugging suits that give the illusion of low-slung pants, bare midriffs, and bustiers.
And this is just one advertisement for 3 costumes. This doesn't take into account all the other costumes out there with questionable attire. It doesn't take into account the subtle messages our girls get from TV shows - that it's the pretty girl who is popular and that she's not necessarily the nicest or smartest girl, but it doesn't matter because she's pretty. And there's so many other things out there that tells a growing girl that she's not good enough if she's intelligent, witty, kind, compassionate, athletic, healthy, imaginative, creative or funny - she also needs to be pretty for any of that to matter.
I knew that with all of those traps looking to ensnare girls, I had my work cut out for me in raising my girls to become wise women. I just didn't realize that it would be so hard to counter-act the messages of society and culture. And maybe I'm failing at my job when they would rather be pretty than smart, or when they don't realize that being a president is a job open to both men and women. But I also realize that I'm not a total failure in parenting these women of the future. Middle One took one look at the ad pictured above and said "Ugh. I hate these kinds of costumes. They're sooo not appropriate for girls my age."
Small victory.
What?!?!? How is it that I have a 4th grade daughter that doesn't know that girls can be anything they want to be - including President of the United States?
So you can imagine that I'm feeling today like I've let my daughters down somehow. Somehow, I've let them fall into the traps that many girls and women fall into - one trap that says your value as a female is whatever is on the outside, and another trap that sets limits on women and tell us that we can't do such-and-such because you're a girl. And both of these traps are things I've thought I've been active in helping my girls avoid. Apparently not as much as I would have hoped. Or perhaps those traps are just that big.
This all comes on the heels of Halloween and the horrible onslaught of costume choices for girls (and women). Just by taking a look at the costumes available for girls, you can see why they might be concerned about their looks at age 4, or why they might not realize at the age of 9 that the office of President is something they might be allowed to aim for. This was the cover of an ad that came with our newspaper before Halloween:
The costumes pictured are based on the Monster High dolls. They're like Barbies, but trashier. The skirts are shorter, the lips are more pouty, and they show more skin and sass than your average Barbie (who, for all her faults, at least aims to be President, an astronaut, a teacher, a businesswoman, etc.). But look at those costumes that they're selling to pre-teen girls. Short skirts. Fingerless black lace gloves. Body-hugging suits that give the illusion of low-slung pants, bare midriffs, and bustiers.
And this is just one advertisement for 3 costumes. This doesn't take into account all the other costumes out there with questionable attire. It doesn't take into account the subtle messages our girls get from TV shows - that it's the pretty girl who is popular and that she's not necessarily the nicest or smartest girl, but it doesn't matter because she's pretty. And there's so many other things out there that tells a growing girl that she's not good enough if she's intelligent, witty, kind, compassionate, athletic, healthy, imaginative, creative or funny - she also needs to be pretty for any of that to matter.
I knew that with all of those traps looking to ensnare girls, I had my work cut out for me in raising my girls to become wise women. I just didn't realize that it would be so hard to counter-act the messages of society and culture. And maybe I'm failing at my job when they would rather be pretty than smart, or when they don't realize that being a president is a job open to both men and women. But I also realize that I'm not a total failure in parenting these women of the future. Middle One took one look at the ad pictured above and said "Ugh. I hate these kinds of costumes. They're sooo not appropriate for girls my age."
Small victory.
It is so hard to teach them the right things and good things when the world is inundating them with things like these ads. I only have one daughter, not two, but it's still hard to stay ahead of the world in this arena. I can't say I'm doing that great but we have to keep trying! It's important that we also teach our SONS to respect women, and respect what they are capable of accomplishing, and not just treat them as "eye candy" or ignore them (or worse) if they don't meet eye candy standards!
ReplyDeleteI love that comment from Middle One!
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